Trying to Explain What an Apology is...

Apologies aren't words.
Apologies are knowing and feeling what you did was wrong.
Apologies aren't spoken because someone needs to hear the words.
Apologies are spoken to convey the regret of having caused pain or fear, apologies are spoken to explain your actions without excusing them.
Apologies are meant to lay bare your thoughts and feelings at the moment you offended; to make you own them, admit to them, and recognize that they were unacceptable.
Apologies are painful; if it's not, you're doing it wrong.
You can not give an apology without first searching yourself to know exactly why.
An apology should make you feel exposed; it should be raw and bleeding truth.

Some say that we choose for our mates those who remind us of our mothers or fathers, or that because we grew up in a particular environment we will recreate it in our own lives and families because we believe it is "normal" or "right" or "expected".

I believe that we are attracted to what is known. We grew up with certain situations and environments being "home" and those situations and environments are what we feel we know and are familiar with; even though they may not be "safe" we grew up with them and know how to survive with them. We are pulled toward those who create that "known".