I just had an interesting revelation based on a very recent conversation.
I know that many of us get upset when someone tells us to "calm down". Let's be realistic here; even guys don't like it. But, have you ever really considered why? Have you ever thought about a particular instance when this has occurred and analyzed the situation? I just did; it was interesting.
First, the conversation was a calm one. I was sitting reclined in my lovely reclining wing back chair on a lovely morning with the sun coming through the window and my sweet squish of a kitty melted on the carpet in front of me. I was feeling particularly mellow. This individual and I have known each other for almost 19 years. We had been having a friendly and good natured conversation. As he was getting up to leave for lunch he warned me that someone in our social circle may be having a serious relationship moment later in the day. My immediate comment was, "You know she's not going to leave him." I said this with a rather disinterested and dismissive attitude in a very calm and even tone; my bodily posture remaining very relaxed. At which point he told me to "calm down". I thought this was odd considering how calm I felt. So, I asked, "Why did you just say that?" He replied, "Because you're upset." I was confused by this response and said, "I wasn't raising my voice. I used a very even tone." At this, he simply said, "You're upset." and walked out.
I thought about this, because I wasn't the slightest upset until he accused me of being upset the second time and walked out, refusing to explain himself. Even then, I wasn't really terribly upset, just mildly irritated at what I felt was a juvenile unwillingness to answer a calm straight forward question. I ran through his physical demeanor during the last part of the conversation in my memory and realized that he had stood up and was intent on leaving and seemed impatient to finish his statement or thought and leave. I had made a comment during that last statement. He wasn't really telling me to calm down. He was telling me to be quiet so that he could finish. Regardless of the fact that my comment was short and not followed by any further attempt to delay him.
Consider most instances when a person might tell you to "calm down". You may actually be upset. You may be raising your voice. Or, you may not be. They aren't telling you to calm down. If your voice is raised, they likely want you to lower it. If you are talking, most likely they want you to stop. Unless someone is genuinely concerned for your health (perhaps you have a heart condition or a serious problem with anxiety) or they are attempting to prevent what they believe could become a physical altercation, they just want you to shut up. In most cases this is exactly what "calm down" means.
Is it any wonder that we all have such an issue with being told to "calm down"?
